Project Review

Place : College
Venue: Professor’s room

Once upon a time, 2 students of a college, final year engineering had a super time.
It was 4 PM in the evening(4 PM na evening thaaan)

Professor AruvaiSelvan..Sorry Arumaiselvan!..
Indha sincere studentskku ..ivaru thaan guide!!! …
Namba students project report ready pannittu they are waiting outside the prof room..
Students ( Vinay, Ajay)
Vinay: Dei!!!..indha aaal engada ponaaanru???
Ajay: Yaarku theriyum…elaaam neram …0th reviewla..namba project waste nu sonnaru..next we r meeting him now..konjam bayamaa irukku da!!!
Vinay: He wont remember all that!
Flash Back: History! In short
0Th review
Ajay: Actually now I am ,sorry! we are going to explain about the final year project that we are about to do in the final year of our college in the subject that we learnt and our guide…is..
AS: Hello!..wht r u doing…u have wasted 5 min of my time talking useless things..ithelaaam engalukku theriyum…unakku vera enna theriyum!!!??? Wht is your project name???
Vinay: Sir Sorry Sir!
Ajay: Sir this project is optimization and minimization of extensive usage of semantic words in basic explanation of concept applied to multilingual scenarios with cross platform compatibility using 69 bit operating system and…
AS: Stop this!!!..Reject !!! Go veliye!!!
Vinay: Sir sorry Sir!

Now!
AS: Yaarupa neenga!!
Ajay: Sir.. you are doing project with us..sorry we are doing project with you as guide!!!
AS: Oh I see..come inside..
And..why I haven’t seen you all these days???
Ajay: Last month we came when you were busy in symposium sir.. When we came last week..you were on leave !! that day we came..u were on
AS: phone???
Ajay: Yes sir And yesterday we came
AS: Stop this !!!..
Vinay: Sir sorry sir!!!
AS: Okay..show me project!!! By the way wht project!
Vinay: (to ajay) Dei venaamda..dont tell proj name..just give him the report!
Ajay: Sir here is the report
AS removes his tiny glasses and gives a glance!!!..
AS: Hmm ennamo solreenga!!!..ok..This report is..change font and size…pa..
First pagela..put the title in the centre..
And put my name below that…why my name is not having Dr in front..
(Vinay (manasukulle) romba avasiyam!!!)
First add that!...and your names ..where to put ?? where to put??...not necessary pa..
(vinay :ada paaavi)
Then..put border..very important..last year I rejected the students report…on the last day because…………. there was no border!!!..
And this is software or hardware project???
Vinay: (to Ajay) wht project is this da..software or hardware!!!
Ajay: Sir this can be done but…
AS: good..Next week when u meet me..get the hardware.And don’t forget to send me an email with the updated hard copy of your report!!!..
(Vinay: Naaasamaa pocchu! (manasukkule)!!)
Ajay: Ok Sir..sure sir..!!!

More to follow..!!!
Lets see how the 69 bit comedy come into action

Story of two idiots!!!

Tamizh – Semmozhi!
--- Peter vs Local
Here is a story of two idiots.
--- Summary
Oru oorla oru kalluri
Adhula oru nari
Piragu oru pari
Nariku pidithathu veri
Pariku kidaithadhu vettri
Atthoda kadhai seri…

Lets go the story…
Oru oorla..sorry..
There were two idiots. Both were studying in a decent engineering college.
One is named Peter Ramakrishnan and the other is named Localnathan.
Both are good at academics, Peter is very intelligent and is good at peters..and Localnathan is a very modest and down to earth person full of wits.
It was the last day of the college.
Everybody were very sad as they had to part each other. Some vetti pasanga were jolly as they had their couterparts set as per their wish at college.
As usual Peter and Localnathan were seen sitting in the last bench with their hands on their cheeks.
There used to be a fellow(may be useful or useless) Varun.He is a universal advisor for everybody in the class, though nobody takes his advice
But he is very helpful and approaches the two guys at the last bench.
After a short conversation, he got to know about their problem.
Problem Statement: There was a girl in the class, named Vishali…Pretty , beautiful , intelligent (like any other gal in the world )
(History: Varun has once tried for this girl and rest is not to be revealed..)
These two guys are interested with the same girl..Vishali!!!! NP Complete!
Varun thinks for sometime and gets two diametrically opposite , mutually exclusive solutions and suggests the solution one to each of them such that they are complementing each other…

Varun’s Idea 1: The guy should go the girl and say ..”I have been hating you all since . Days were horrible when I saw you!!!!...College would suck with girl like you!!!
But I was in that state till yesterday. Today..I like you so much!!! “

Varun’s Idea 2: (Proof by present contradiction). “You know wht…you are like an angel.
I come to college to see you and only you..Life would be hopeless and colorless without you. I liked you so much till yesterday.But today..i think I have wasted my time thinking of you..”

Both decided to talk to the girl..(ofcourse not implementing the idea given by Varun)
Peter goes to the girl first
Peter : Everybody wanna know how I feel like, feel like, I really wanna be here with you
Its not enough to say that we are made for each other its love that is Hosannah true
Hosannah… Will be there when you’re calling out my name
Hosannah…Feeling like my whole life has changed
I never wanna be the same, its time we rearrange
I take a step, you take a step and I’m here calling out to you…
Hellooooooo… Halloooooo… Halloooooo…

Vishali : I hate you
Peter : Thank you!!!

In the evening Localnathan happens to see the girl in the canteen.He gets an veg bonda.. and sits in front of girl and says
Localnathan : “Vanakkam !!! Ungalukku theriyuma..idhu ennanu!!!
Vishali: Hello Locals…!!! Why..veg bonda!!!
Localnatha: Hmmm Indha bonda thaaan en idhayam!!!
Vishali : Hmmm Appo ulla irukkara vegetable..Naaana???
Localnathan: : |
Vishali :  : )

/*Tamizh oru Semmaiyaana mozhi!!!!*/

Parthasarathy Puliodhare!!! Part 2

Srikanth lands in his college.
“Engeyo paattha maari irukke indha building!!!! “ Its Srikanth’s dept , he gets inside and completes his work..gets certificates blah , blah…blah..which we are not interested in.
Out of scope of this kadhai..

Srikanth finds a prof (Raman George) who have once threatened to give him ‘U’ grade for his “MIS CONDUCT”
in prof language..
Crime committed was..he route pottufied to a gal(prof’niece…but she was very nice… …ivanukku this will suffice..) in his class using an innovative strategy..(this will not be revealed..as Srikanth has patented this strategy..and has acquired copy right)
He tried to escape from this prof..but maatitaaan…
(Srikanth eppo escape aaavan epdi escape aavaaannu yaarkum theriyaadhu…Aaaanaaa..escape aavendiya nerathula..correctaaa maatiduvaan)..
Prof : Hey ..u r srikanth right?
Srikanth: Yes George…sorry ..Yes sir…(????) 
P: Hey…I wanted to ask u a question..(before he completes his sentence…)
S: “How I entered into xxx company..without understanding basics of theories of computation, etc etc etc…??? Blah..”
I have studied the theories of recruitment, Interview automata, HR round of PDA, Panel machines…etc..”
P: As always…u r trying to act tooo smart..take my words..ipdiye olarittu pone..i will see you again here…(he meant S also ll become a prof)..
S: Ooops…(points finger at him and says..”idhu unakku thevaiya”)…
P:Seri adhalaam vidu..vaayen..lets have lunch together..
S (gets reminded of puliodhare!!!)..: Its okay Sir..I am leaving.I have an imp work.!! Bye Sir!
P: (in his mind)…Cha lunch box ivanntta thallaaamnu paattha escape ayitaan..anyways..today its my fate!!!

S now wants to know the girl’s (Nandhini’s whereabouts)..
Since he wants to do a binary or optimal tree search..he thinks for a min..Lunchla elaaarum enga irupaanga..??? Canteen..He goes to canteen and gets enlightened…
“Ava thaan puliodhare vecchirkaa illa..why should she come to canteen..ava enna namba maariya..second third round canteenla adikka!!!”
Srikanth then tries to search her in multiple ways…but in vain..
It is 3.30 PM ..when the climate becomes really cool…cloudy…awesome…..romantic climate in Chennai..(pretty rare though!)
Srikanth..looses hope..and goes to the small coffee café at the back of the college amidst the forests where spotted deers and stags dance together .
Appo.. …. Srikanth has the habit of writing poems (kavithai as he calls it) in such a romantic climate…he always tries to pen down his thoughts…peelings..
Srikanth sits on a stone near the café…he looks straight across the trees….
Then he thinks for sometime..
“Unnai enni paarkaiyil kavithai kottudhu,,adha ezhudha ninaikaiyil,…vaarthai muttudhu!!!”
He couldn’t get his words on paper.Normally he writes fluently..
Inikki etho thadukiradhu!!!... HE starts..
iyarkai..thanakendru….etho seivadhu pol thondriyadhu..
Idhuthaaan andha naaal endru therindhadhu…
Endraikkum illaadha azhagu pacchai marathile..
Endraikkum illadhaa urchaagam manadhile
Suttri yaaarum ilaadha kaatil(ofcourse café incharge) kavithai..
Idhuvum kadhai yaaagi pogum endru thondriyadhu!!!
En uyir Bluetooth rangelil ulladhu pol..unarvu…
Cell phone mani kaadhil kekaatdha sapthamattra ullunarchi..
Kangalil..endrum kaanaadha uyirai kaana povadhaaga edhirpaarppu..
Puliodharaiyin Suvaiyum, punmuruvalin ninaivum vandhadhu..
Melliya..uyirinum melaaana manam avanai thulaikka..
Ayiram kuyil, thenai vizhungi. Thillana padum pol oru voice!!!
“Hey Srikanth!!!...how r u??? ..Coffee ???”
Vizhiyin ethire..Avan Vizhi….Its Nandhini..
N: Enna..Morning lendhu..inge thaaana?? Work overaa???
S: Yeah..Over!!..Chumma friend paakka…illa…unna paaka thaan..
N: I know….3.30 kku class over..aanalum chumma inga varanamnu thonnithu!!!!
Apdiye coffee kudulaamnu..
S: U know wht..i love this coffee…
N: Its not strong…
S: I don’t feel so…There is something stronger than this..
S gives a romantic look...So does N….:)
S: Will you love me???
N:………………………………………………………………………………………..
Idhuvum Oru Coffeyin Kaaviyam …
Srikanth closes his diary and starts walking down the windy road covered with thick trees ....with lot of smile and happiness... :)

Parthasarathy Puliodhare!!!

Screen opens “Sanjaaane Thaane Naaane noooo Ava thumakka thambi Ambi vandhaanoooo”
A well dressed fellow, grey half shaded veluthupona jeans pant, with anga anga eli kadicha maari designs potta oru shirt, Spikes apdinra perla thalaila fevicol la ottikitta konjam hair,Ithoda scene kaaga oru laptop bag, oru azhuku moota laundry bag ,idhuthaan namba hero SRIKANTH PARTHASARATHY jumps out of the train with joy. He starts walking out of the station when he meets his family friend uncle Viswanathan who is a bank officer. He has come there to give send off to his wife’s relatives.
Uncle : “Vaada maapila Velachery Veetla Chess aaadalaama???”
Hero remembers his defeat with this uncle whenever he played chess.
S: Maama (uncle) How r u ??
U : Am fine da..Ennada unga ammata Saapdave ilaama yelachu poitennu Sonniyaaame ??? Oru 100 kg iruppa polarku…Ivlo fat ayita??
S : Appo thaan amma neraiya varietyaa senju vaippa Illaati oats upma thaan..Athaan..chumma oru build up ..
U: Seri Seri vaa veetla unna drop panren..
S: Yupppp!!!

Conversation continues in the car..
U: Ennada china vayasula window pakkathula ukkandhu adutha block ponna sight adichukitte iruppe!!! Ippo Win 7 ku nee konjam coding panniyaaame?? Unga paati oorrufulla sollirka
S: (What a mokkai!!) Ayyo uncle ..It was a small plug-in in the wrapper for the base build which is used for the alternative cross platform interoperability testing of a patch on Win7..
U : (gets puzzled!! ) Hmm Ethho solra..aana perisa nee ethuvum pannalanu mattum puriyudhu..its okay!!!
S: (Points finger at himself and tells ) Ithu unnaku thevaiya..???At times Peters don’t get us anything…
Car arrives at Mr Parthasarathy’s house..
Srikanth has a paati (87 years old) who is always his chellam… they are very good friends..partners in crime..etc etc
Paati : Dei Ambi epdi da irukke??? 1 yearla ipdi yelachu poite???
U: Maami Enna neenga kan test pannanuma..??
P : Summa iruda Visu..!!! (Paati whispers at Uncle’s ears ) Netthiki chatla sonnan.. ipdi.pesina..enna Holliwoodku kootindu porennu sonnaaan!!!
U: Oho…romba avasiyam…Seri maami naa varen udamba paathukongo..
P: “Bye..Seeya!!!”

Srikanth’s mother has cooked lot of varieties of food like Akkaaravadasal( hybrid combination of chakkarapongal and payasam) , Sathumadhu (rasam) plus some deep fried , high calorie items for this century weighing hero…

Srikanth finishes everything and gives a hug to his mom “Amma chance se illa!! Ithulaam ilaama I suffered at hyd”
Mother : Nalla vela..ithelaam illamaleye 100 kg..vera ennadhaan anga saaaptiyo..

Hero now goes to his college to get his degree certificate
He lands at guindy bus stop to take a share auto. One share auto comes..”Adyar Adyar ..Anna Univ..Gandhi mandapam..””””
He gets into this auto..to get down at anna university.One girl gets into the auto..Ivanga thaaan heroine..She wore a beautiful , maaandhulur color jardhosi worked…full hand salwar with dark red color semi pattiyaala kameez and georgette dhupatta..
Hero doesn’t know heroine’s name..But I will tell you..keep it as a secret..Her name is Nandhini…
N: “Anna univ pogumaa”
Auto Driver : “Pogum pogum eru ma..(looks at Srikanth)..Konjam thalli ukkarunga sir..”
She opens her college bag , a blended , traditional smell of puliodhare fills the share auto..
This aroma disturbs our hero whose thoughts start travelling back 15 years

Puliodhare Vaasam purappadum penne
Nee bag thirandhaaal
Vaasam vandhu vizhitthidum kanne
Rickshaw ninaivelaam

Paartha mudhal naaale Unnai Paartha mudhal naale…
Srikanth (UKG ) is sitting in a rickshaw with his friend Krishna..
Krishna : One new girl is going to come to our rickshaw..u know???
S : I hate girls!!! (Overaa illa)
K is silent!!!
The girl gets into the rickshaw when it stopped at her house..
S: What is your name??
G : (turns her head 90 degree west and says ) hmm grrr
S: Ok..whts ur lunch???
G: Puliodhare!!!
S is taken aback with the smell of puliodhare!!

S is back to system date..(now())

S calls his friend Krishna “Dei!!! Athe ponnu da..UKGla…Rickshawla…blah blah blah….andha blah blah ..puliodhare..blah blah…”
Krishna : Hey Srikanth..Wrong number da..” (he is in deep sleep)

S: Cha!!! Crap…
Somebody (Auto Driver) calls out..”Guindy Guindy””
S thinks namba anga thaaane erinom..
S: Naa enga iruken???
A.D: Kaalaila autola erra vandha face paaaru..
S: Annen!! Andha ponnu enga irangina???
A.D: Oh andha figura??? Ava Anna universitylaye irangita!!!
Ipdi inji thinna kurangu maari vaaaya aaanu flash back ottikittee nee vandhappave nenachen..nee un stopla iranga maatennu..Seri seri.. 25 rs kuduthuttu..idattha kaali pannu..
S: 25 rs ??? 5 rs thane?
A.D: Athu anna univla irangina…Ipdi dreams ottikitte inga varaikum vandhalla???, olunga 25 rs kuduthutu thirumbi paaakaamaa odi poidu..Kaalankaathaala enna tension pannitu irukaan..cha!!
S: OMG!....Crazy..???? Seri..indha!!!
S finally takes another auto to reach anna university…

Story…Thodarum..Continues..
(My Sincere Thanks to Kalpana and Bhuvaneswari !!! )

Shift + Kitchen

A silver brown Honda city arrives at the gates of Mantri Cube.The watchman opens the gate.And the car drives in the car park. A beautiful, yet thoughtful girl gets out of the car.
SHIFTII(Shanthi) , a business analyst working in a wellknown software concern.She drags a bag of grocery items full of coconuts, bananas, neramdharam pazham etc etc. She climbs to her flat , she is very health conscious..she ll not use lift (matter enna na..once she went in lift with coconuts along with few real coconuts when the lift stuck in underground floor..when the security was able to retrieve all the coconuts but not SHIFTIa)…thts why..madam konjam extra carefulaa irunkaanga..

She climbs to seventh floor with her heavy bag and laptop.She opens the door and
Sees a chit of paper on the sofa…
“Hey SHIFT + lower_case(“i”)!!! Today I have invited my boss for dinner!!! Please do the needful…Hope you understand!..Ur's intelligently TOMMY bye!”
TOMMY(Thyagarajan) is her husband , a finance manager working in a reputed bank.
Her husband has already told her about this manager's visit…The chit is to remind her..”Please don’t do anything “
She becomes excited and gets ready for the fun time of the day.
After an hour…TOMMY comes in …(gives a weird look)
TOMMY : “Adiyeee Kolludhe!!! Vaasanai Thookudhe!!! Naaaku Ooorudhe!!! Idhayam Varundhudhe!!!
Un Maaalai neram!!! En ketta Neram!!! Endrendrum Saavadikudhe!!!
Oooooo Oooooo Oooooo
Hey SHIFTI....
(SHIFTI comes out of kitchen…TOMMY silence)
SHIFTI : “Enna…Wht?.. Vandhuttiyaaaa??”
Apram TOMMY..Inikki I am going for a b'day party!!!...
My manager’s niece’s bday…I have got gifts also..!!!
TOMMY : (thinks “Romba Mukkiyam!!!”).. Good..nalla velai..two min..ready ayittu varen..Indha saapada namma saapdanamnu bayandhuten…thank god!!!
SHIFTI: Wht?...naa mattum thaan..not you…ennna tom..marandhuttiya!!!
You have invited your boss for a dinner today..avar kooda kerelanu sonniye..Athukaaaga..naa brain use panni research panni , think panni…dishes laam senjirken!!!...
TOMMY : Ohh Ayayyo..Ennalaam you have made??? Nomenclature please!!!
SHIFTI : for (int i=0;i<10;i++){
System.out.println(“coconut oil payasam”)
TOMMY: wht??? (semma tension!!! )
SHIFTI: Yeah!!! You like payasam na..thts why I added coconut oil to it..so that you wont eat it!!!..heeee
TOMMY: Next please.!!!! ( inthula Rava language veraa!!!)
SHIFTI : System.out.println(“Pavakkai and nendharangai Dessert!!!”)
TOMMY: Katham Katham..I understood..Enakkum ethachum pidikumna..atha sothapavendiyadhu!!!
SHIFTI : But u know wht I have done something very special for you!!!
TOMMY: Naa ethuvum kekale..”Break!!!”
Indha boss inikki inga saaptu..naalai officela enna aagapogudho!!!
SHIFTI: Naalai nadapadhu Narayanan Seyal!!!

Vikram and Veena

Vikram and Veena are thick friends. They successfully completed their UG from a premier institute in Tamil Nadu. Vikram and Veena had ideas of doing MBA. So they wanted to do it in a good institute. They wrote their CAT and got very low percentiles. Out!!!
Next they thought they will at least take up their placements .They both got placed in dream companies. Veena got placed in a company in Gurgoan and Vikram in Bangalore.
2 years later. (after successfully pouring garbage )..
They decided to try for CAT again. They prepared very hard this time and took up CAT.
CAT mewwww went online…
Their hard work paid and they both scored decent percentiles and got multiple IIM calls.Thank God! There were two overlaps…which obviously they considered it as the primary target.Now it’s the time to prepare for Interviews and GDs
Veena is a little crazy girl. She wanted to equip herself on knowledge about everything in the world for her interviews.
Vikram who was a cool guy wanted to do JOINT STUDY with her and he flew to Gurgoan. Her institute has arranged for mock interviews and GDs. Vikram accompanied her to the interviews….Veena was pretty restless as this is the first kind of interview she is going to take up. They were waiting in the lobby for her turn. Veena asked Vikram
Ve: Hey!...Which IPL match is happening today????
Vi : CSK vs Mumbai Indians..
Ve: okay!..CSK vs MI…What is the conditional probability that they will win today???
Vi: U mean CSK?...
Ve: Tell for both..Interviewer endha team supporterooo???
Vi : Crazy,.,.u r …say out of these two teams..in the sample space..one of the teams will surely win..and hence the probability is 0.5…toss of a coin..
Ve : That is wellknown!!!..anyways… What is Base duality theorem for stochastic and parametric linear programming
Vi: Hello..!!!!...this is not interview for IIT..Aaanlaum overaa panra..

Somebody called her name…yes..it was her turn now..Just before entering the room….Veena shouts..
Hey Vikram!!! Which place does Shoib’s first wife belong to???
Vi: Romba Mukkiyam!!! ..Hyd!
Ve: Thanks…
She finishes the interviews where she was asked sensible questions. Vikram also had similar mock interviews at his place.Finally GOD showered his blessings on them and they did their interviews well…
Both got admitted to IIM C. Vikram called Veena to share this good news with prayers for her..
Vi: “Hey Veena!...I got admitted to IIMC”
Ve: “Same pinch!!!!”
Vi: “Hey I think I love you”
Ve: “Same pinch!!!!”

Kanpaarthu Kandhalaagi..Pona Neram...

Story described by Prakash , a software engineer
It was seven in the evening , I was leaving office.Since it was a Friday and a weekend ahead , I walked towards Nilgiris in Sarjapur outer ring road.I used to cook my food in weekends.
Few minutes before I could enter Nilgiris, I happened to encounter a familiar face….Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah!!!! my college friend Rengarajan..We used to call him Raja.
PRAKASH : “Hey Raja calling Raju..How r u ????
RAJU: Hey Prakash Raj….Am fine..How about you?
PRAKASH : “Am doing good…Enge..Nilgiris???
RAJU: Illa Madhuloka..(liquor Boutique)
PRAKASH : Dei…Why man??? Suddenly?? U never used to have all this. Veetla Maamikku (mom) thrinja..Aaapu…
RAJU: Hey ..my heart is broken..!!!
PRAKASH : Raju..what happened? Ethaachum kaathu vandhu adichudha??
RAJU: It’s a big story..A month ago , I was travelling in train..Bangalore mail to Chennai..
Appo I booked a side lower berth..”ANDHA NERAM ANDHI NERAM KANPARTHU KANDHALAAAGI PONA NERAM EDHO ACHE”
Lower berth mein..ek beautiful girl..with poetic eyes, water fall like hair, table like ears..
PRAKASH : Imagine panna oru typaa irukku..
RAJU:Wait ..!!! Her face was like Internet Explorer. I was able to browse her heart…
PRAKASH : Oh my God!!..Naan edhubum sollala..u proceed!!
RAJU: We exchanged our thoughts..through eye communication..Her name was Rashmi..
PRAKASH : Nalla irukke…
RAJU: But Elllaaam over!!!
Whole night I was talking to her..
PRAKASH : You guys didn’t sleep???
RAJU: In dreams!!!
PRAKASH : Ohhho..
RAJU:But when train arrived at Chennai..everything was over…
PRAKASH :Why..did u guys exchange your contact details..???
RAJU: Yes we did..but…
PRAKASH : Then what continue….
RAJU:”En Vaaasal thaandi ponaaale Hosana..Raakhi kaiyil kattinaaale..
Naaan Aaadipogiren…Sukku nooraaagiren..Aval pona pinbu Beer bottle thedi pogiren…!!!
PRAKASH : :-)